Happy All Hallows Eve Eve

Photo by R

Scene Direction by Grandma 

Baby Propping by E

All Bottled Up

With our recent foray into the world of formula I've found myself thinking more about the ups and downs of feeding Frankie. The possibility of moving a little towards formula and away from breastfeeding has reinforced for me how much I've come to enjoy breastfeeding over these last few months - a pretty big shift from our first few weeks together. 

I never thought it was going to be easy. I had read about babies having difficulties latching on and I knew that breastfeeding would mean that it was me getting up with her throughout the night. Both of these scenarios I was prepared for. I was much less prepared for the frequency of daytime baby feedings. Once Frankie sorted out how to eat, which did take her some time, she was committed. Some days she would nurse for thirty to forty minutes and be ready to start all over twenty minutes later. Some days it seemed were dedicated entirely to filling and refilling her little belly. 

When at two months she started wanting to nurse every few hours all night long I was pretty sure I was about spent. I googled every variation of "minimum amount of breast feeding recommended" in search of some sort of exit sooner than the generally agreed upon six months. No luck. I'm not sure what I would have done had I found something. I can be a bit stubborn and as much as I wanted an out I didn't want to give up. It did get easier and then much easier and then even easier. And the easier it got the more I was able to enjoy it and this time with her and to appreciate its ups - for us always having her food along with us has been a huge up. 

In reading back through my thoughts on trying to get Frankie to try formula I started to wonder if maybe it seemed as though we were anti-formula. Not this mamma. If Frankie had taken to it during any of our attempts (and especially if it had helped her sleep) we'd have been happy. But she didn't. She wouldn't take breast milk in a bottle either so despite what our more experienced taste buds told us about the flavour of formula it was the bottle she despised. When she was wee (like six weeks) she took a bottle like it was nothing - how I wish we'd tossed her one every few weeks just to keep her in the loop. 

Decisions have been one of the most intimidating parts of parenthood - when you realize for the first time that its you who has to decide and your decision has implications for this little life all bundled up in your arms. But these very same decisions have also been one of the best parts of parenthood: when mumma-intuition makes itself known (all yelling and screaming compared to its former whispery self) and tells you that you know this babe best, when once the decision is made you realize it wasn't so scary after all, and when you come to know that just as you're making the best decisions for your little pod so are other pod mummas and pappas and all is, well, just as it should be.  

Bye Bye Grandma

Early tomorrow morning Grandma will board a shuttle for Halifax so that she can board a plane home. We've had such a nice relaxing two weeks but it seems as quickly as they're upon us they're gone again. I've got to sleep in, eat way too much delicious food (hello apple dumplings and cranberry oatmeal scones) and pee by myself on a regular basis. Below are some of the latest greatest FMC shots by Gram. We're hoping to pick up right where we left off sometime early in the new year. Until then we will miss (and be packing away gummy baby grins for) you!

Tuesday Tuesday

1. I love rainy days. Around here they give us all the permission we need to pull on an extra sweater and pair of socks and spend the day making roasted chicken and apple dumplings. 

2. My free glasses arrived and they fit! Pretty perfectly actually - confirming that my virtual self is a close approximation of my real self. I’m now fully converted. 

3. Despite a long list of baking mishaps I've always wanted to make my own bread - but been too intimidated (see: long list of baking mishaps). Yesterday we picked up a used bread maker on kijiji so that I could give it a try. We opted for buns over bread after some concerns about levity and oh yum! Light and soft and chewy and melt in your mouth. I still have yet to try it unsupervised but we may be on the brink of never buying store bread again (or at least until I go back to work). 

4. I've decided to try to be less anxious about Frances and sleep - particularly her lack of daytime sleep. There are the repercussions of her general naplessness (like irritable evening baby syndrome) and then there's my constant anxiety about it (which doesn't actually help the sleep situation at all). Frances has a very small nap window - once she starts rubbing her eyes and yawning its time to bust it upstairs and get rocking. Miss that window and it’s at least two hours until the next one appears. I've spent so much of the last five months watching for these windows and trying to plan activities around them. If we're out and she starts rubbing her eyes and I can't get to somewhere that I can get her to sleep a sense of day dampening doom sets in. At some point both her day and nighttime sleep will improve and I've got to chill just a little until then. So ... 

It's not the end of the world if she doesn't nap like other babies. 

It's not the end of the world if she doesn't nap like other babies. 

It's not the end of the world if she doesn't nap like other babies. 

5. Rob Ford - ew.

Our Five Month Faves

I've been meaning for a while to write about our favourite baby things. When I was pregnant I felt completely overwhelmed by the number of products you could buy for babies. A wipe warmer? Baby bangs? A safety helmet? I found the reviews by mums on other sites to be really helpful in assessing what we needed and what we could leave in the virtual shopping cart.

For us, aside from the basics (sleepers, socks and strollers), the success or failure of Frankie’s baby accessories has been determined by some combination of her idiosyncrasies and our adaptation to parenthood.

1. Snuggli - Oh snuggli carrier. Oh snuggli carrier. Thy straps have saved our sanity. Frankie has been using (and loving) her snuggli since she was six weeks old – since she could safely hold her head up on her own. We’ve used it to walk through the mall and to walk from one side of this town to the other. It has been our saviour many-a-night when nothing except being popped in her snuggli and taken for a walk seems to satiate the bug. It lets us get out of the house, get a coffee and get in some adult conversation.

2. Boppy - The baby product of many faces - nursing supporter, tummy time encourager and now baby sitting assistant (as in helping her stay seated on her bottom and not leaving her to be supervised by the boppy while we see The Social Network). We bought our boppy at the baby flea market for a whopping $8 unsure of its ultimate utility. I can now say that we'd most definitely pay full price for this thing. Twice.

3. Large (larger than you could ever imagine needing) Flanel Blankets – Like the boppy these blankets have served many purposes – mattress liner, stroller cover, car buddy, swaddler, and just plain blanket. Ours are custom made with love by Grandma but the key is their size – at least three feet by three feet. We’ve learned (especially when it comes to swaddling and cuddling a three month old) that you can never have too much blanket.

4. Car seat bees – These were gifted to Frances when we were en route from Ontario and may be solely responsible for the success of that trip. They give her something to look at, grasp and listen to (they make a sweet little jingle jingle). Unlike all the other toys we take in the car with us these bees attach to the handle of the car seat with velcro preventing her from dropping them over and over (and over).

5. Baby leggings – With the exception of one pair of jeans baby pants look ridiculous on Frankie. Maybe it’s the cloth diapers but for some reason the waistband usually falls around the middle of her ribcage. Her baby leggings fit (and fall) perfectly under and over onesies and their snugness means I know her little legs are warm on these cool fall days.

Of course her faves will change as she grows. Someday regular pants will look completely normal on her and dangling bees won't get us through an eighteen hour car ride. But for now these are the things that make all of our lives just a little more charmed.

This Weekend in (Lotsa) Pictures

(Photo by Grandma)

October Seal Island Bridge 

Frances: Meet Sophie

Sophie: Meet baby gums

(Photo by Grandma)

See how sad I am? 

Now take me out of this car seat.

(Photo by Grandma)

(Photo by Grandma)

Baby Boyardee 

Yes, those are her toes!

Almost sitting up by herself ...

Her first twenty second solo flight. 

(Photo by Grandma) 

Fortress of Louisbourg 

Dear Kitteh,

I love you so much you can wear my hat.

Sincerely,

 Frances

Seven Hours, Four Eyes and Eight Ounces

What a busy few days! First, a pod mini-vacation over the weekend. We took a deep breath, strapped Frances into her mobile command unit and set the compass for Halifax. We were off to surprise Frankie's Grandma at the airport and what a surprise it was - complete with Grandma squeals and baby giggles. 

Frances decided to doubly reward us for our travel courage - she was a peach in the car (thanks in part to the playing of our Cape Breton Lullabies CD one hundred times) and slept like a champ. On our night over in Halifax she dozed for six and a half hours straight (woo! woo!) and on our first night back for seven. If she had a fondness for anything (like animal crackers or dora stickers) she'd be getting a cart full. 

Last night, most unfortunately, was back to normal - four hours and then two hours and then an hour. Here's hoping that this regression and not our i-can-hardly-believe-it-thank-you-thank-you-thank-you progress was the fluke. 

This (four hours and two hours and one hour) wouldn't have been so bad had I not waited up until midnight to see if the free glasses deal at Clearly Contacts was for real. It was and my new (free) glasses are set to arrive at the end of October! I'm still sort of skeptical about just having tried these glasses on virtually so we'll see in a few weeks how they look on the not-blurry-web-cam version of myself. 

On Monday we returned to the doctor for her weight check-up. Eight ounces in fourteen days! The doctor was happy to see that when put to the test this little girl could actually gain weight. I recounted our misadventures with formula (and Frank's victory ten days in) and our doctor agreed that since she knows what she wants (stubborn as a baby mule) we can forgo the nightly three hours needed to get her to take three ounces. I've found a great natural supplement (fenugreek - as awesome as everything online says it is) to help make sure that I am making all the milk the bug needs and pocketed a back-up prescription from the doctor just in case. 

Anyways we're pretty excited to have scored a Grandma for two weeks and the bug is already loving not having to hang out on the bathroom floor while I have a shower (she's on her play mat but still its the bathroom floor - a big old zero on the baby-fun-o-meter). We're also excited to be staring down a week of perfect fall weather (perfect for sweaters and afternoon walks and turkey soup) reinforcing why we all love this season so damn much. 

Mobile Command Unit  

Morning Fog

Happy Birthday

You are our sunshine 

Our only sunshine 

You make us happy

When skies are grey 

You'll never know dear

How much we love you

Wishing you a top notch birthday

Granola Bars ... er ... Blobs

Its possible I may never learn how to bake. No matter how many times I pull a sweet hot mess out of the oven I still manage to think that recipes are just suggestions. Like you could use one cup of milk since that's what the recipe calls for or if you think there's about a cup and a half left in the jug you could just pour it all in. There are rules after all about putting a mouthful of milk back in the fridge. 

Last week I found a really yummy recipe for granola bars. We eat lots of granola bars and the good ones are kind of pricey and still probably packed with preservatives. So Frank and I made a trip to the bulk store and I stocked up. Oats, nuts, seeds, raisins and sour dinos (dinos for me not the bars). I decided the recipe sounded so good I'd start with a double batch. 

We mixed up the dry ingredients and then the wet. After I poured the wet on the dry I thought there's no way that's going to be enough. So I mixed up another batch of the wet and added that. It still didn't seem like nearly enough so one more batch and into the oven. Did I mention that the wet ingredients consisted of boiled honey and corn syrup? Sweet hot mess indeed. I made three pans and it took me more than an hour to slowly chip the final product out of the first two. The third is still on the counter and I'm thinking of just hiding it somewhere, like probably the shed.

If you ever send me a baked goods recipe maybe you could include the following in the fine print: Do not improvise. Not even a little. I know you think it will be fine - maybe even better - but it won't. Seriously, it won't. Remember the granola bars? 

Frankie Narrates Wilde's Selfish Giant

Part One
(Video and Production by R)

A New Room for Living

Whitney Pier Part Two

Giving Thanks

This year I am thankful for the time and place in which I have come to have this little girl. For the opportunities and experiences that have lead here and that have fulfilled and prepared me as much as possible for the adventure that is parenthood. I am thankful for travel and study and more study and lazy morning and late night debate and seeing things for a second time and second chances and the smell of rain and the sea. For strife and for success and for the so-wonderful people with me through it all. But most of all this year I am thankful for the perspective and determination that all of this and more has helped me to find, that I can draw on in moments of doubt and difficulty, and that likewise adds meaning to our moments of joy, reflection and contentment. 

Formula Fail

New plan: one more day of this formula tomorrow and then a new brand and a new doctor's appointment on Tuesday. 

Seven nights in and she hates it no less. Maybe more. She screams like she's on fire every time her dad goes near her with a bottle. After the first few nights of hell's scorn we read that someone other than the mum should give the bottle if the baby is breast-fed. Poor R. He has lasted much longer than I ever would have - I can hardly stand to be in the same house. 

Tonight we decided to taste the brand the doctor had given us. Not to suggest that all the screaming and crying has been justified but that stuff tastes like borax laced with cheap perfume. We've read a good review of similac (seriously - by a dad who tasted and rated all the formulas) and if that doesn't work we'll try the liquid rather than the powdered mixes. If that doesn't work then this little girl is never going to get on any of the really exciting rides at amusement parks. 

Happy Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is my top holiday - turkey, stuffing, pumpkin pie, family and a day for gratitude. And all as the crispness and colours of fall are settling in. We shared a lovely afternoon with super lovely people and will be eating turkey and carrots until passover. 

Highlights in six sentences or less:

1. The first scents of roasting rosemary drifting up the stairs.

2. Not burning the turkey.

3. The warmth of having every window in the house covered in steam.

4. Not discovering that the turkey was still frozen when we went to carve it.

5. Watching the little bug sleep at the end of it all and thinking that my heart might burst.

6. Not having to order pizza because the turkey was burnt or frozen.

F and R headed out first thing this morning in search of coffees. 

F lead the way in this sweet outfit R picked out.

Costume change: another pretty party dress from thirty years past

A Matter of Tradition

I know that Frances Moon is unlikely to remember her first Thanksgiving or Halloween or her first Christmas. Despite the developmental importance of the first three years most people can't recall much about them at all. Still these holidays are our first opportunity to string together those traditions that will mark for her the passage of time and that she will look forward to and fondly back on. An exciting task but also a daunting one!

What if we find ourselves so busy that, despite our best intentions, things like making pumpkin pie at Thanksgiving and sugar cookies at Christmas are left to next year and next year and next? And late night Christmas eve walks in the snow never happen and we're just too tired to carve pumpkins at Halloween? Each one a chance to chip away at some of the nonsense of north american holidays and to claim a small piece of them for ourselves.

Deep breath.

There is comfort in knowing that the traditions that stuck in our house were some combination of intention, routine, and happy accident. And that coerced traditions chalk full of preplanning and precision are bound to last about as long as a Paul Martin government. And that with a lot of love and a little bit of luck we will one day find ourselves celebrating both those rituals devised with intention and those that Frank learns about in school, sees on television or simply thinks up from the depths of her six year old soul.

Formula One

Monday was Frank's four month check-in with her doctor. She was the essence of brave. She cried only a bit over her immunizations mostly due to the shock of it all. Unlike last time she had no fever and no reaction in the days following. 

Her weigh-in wasn't quite as tip top. She's a little pea. At four months she's only almost reached twelve pounds (11 pounds 14 ounces). The average weight of a two month old girl is fourteen pounds. Two pounds is a big deal when it’s one-sixth of your weight. 

Because of her teeniness our doctor suggested adding a bottle of formula to our nighttime routine for two weeks to see if this helps her catch up. At her weigh-ins up until now she has been in the 25th to 50th weight percentile and this time she was in the 10th percentile. I was tempted to point out that I am still probably in the 10th percentile when it comes to height and weight and that perhaps this might be a factor but decided against it. We had not ever been able to rule out hunger as a factor in her sleep problems and perhaps both (her weight and her sleep) were indicative of a little belly needing more nourishment. So we took our formula sample home and waited until nightfall – a little nervous and yet a little eager to get on with this big change. We mixed up the dusty beige powder and with a little coaxing she drank all four ounces and then fell asleep … FOR SEVEN HOURS. Well-rested victory high fives all around.

Tuesday night. Carefully repeat Monday night step for step. She was having none of it. No formula and no sleeping for longer than a few hours at a time.

I know that she will get used to the formula. I know that its entirely new to her and that in a few weeks nighttime bottles will be a standard part of bedtime. But still it is awful. So awful. Having to force her to eat something she hates because it is good for her when all she wants to do is nurse and go to sleep just like always. Poor bug.

Babies Have Short Attention Spans

As evidenced by: 

1. Snugli 

2. Exersaucer 

3. Playmat 

4. Playpen

5. Swing 

We'll soon be eating in the nursery. 

Mums and Books

I'm really enjoying babies and books. Like really really enjoying it. Frances was a dream baby again this week. She listened to the stories and watched the other babies and then put her head down on my shoulder and went to sleep. Although this is nice this isn't why I love it. 

I love it because I get to hear other moms say "nap schedule? what nap schedule?" I get to hear about babies learning to crawl, about other babies waking up way more than they should through the night, and about the ups and downs of introducing solid foods.

Google is great. It is great if I need to know the normal temperature of a three month old or how to even find a temperature or what to do about diaper rash in a cloth diapered baby. But its thousands of stories of babies at every age and stage doing exactly what Frances is doing have nothing on ten moms sitting crossed legged on a library floor when it comes to letting you know that through it all you're so not alone.

Anticipation

I'z waitin' for the fishies

Shop Till You Drop

For a while it looked like today was going to be a quiet day. But ...

We have an awful basement. Its dark and cramped and dusty and anyone taller then me is bound to knock their head on the network of low hanging beams and pipes. And its dirty. Always dirty. Anything and everything without a home gets shuffled down there. Propped up against the furnace or wedged in beside the hot water heater. 

And so today became basement cleaning (and sorting and sweeping and dusting) day. It looks like a new place down there. No one's going to be eating off the floor anytime soon but in place of all of the accumulated junk there is now room to move. 

At the very end of all this spic and span business we decided to take a giant aquarium up from the basement to the living room. We'd be talking about this for a while and how much fun it would be to add some fish to our pod. It is a forty gallon tank left behind by someone who lived here before us. It is giant. 

Bringing the aquarium up lead to a rearranging of the living room which lead to an eight o'clock hunt for the pieces of furniture this rearranging left us in need of. 

The sights and sounds of four late night department stores were all little Frank could take. After being strapped back in her car seat for the fifth time she passed out. She slept through the ride home, the trip in the house and up the stairs, the filling of the fish tank, the emptying of the fish tank (we were a little zealous on the filling), and is still asleep now. I feel like those new moms (those moms of babies who take nice long daytime naps) checking in on her every ten minutes to make sure she is still breathing. She is ... what a tired little bean. 

Pictures of the new living room soon ... we found two of the missing pieces of furniture online and are going to build one. Well R is going to build one. Frank and I will be in charge words of encouragement.