Hello middle of January. Here so soon? Eep. I didn't think days and weeks and half-months could pass any faster. So wrong mama, so wrong. Where to begin?
The wonderful world of work I suppose. No really.
For a long time after I left school I had jobs that I did not love. I spent a lot of time in these neither-here-nor-there years wishing I had studied something else, something more practical, something more amenable to a nice clear-cut long-term job. But I also spent a whole lot of time thinking about work: why we work, the value we place on work (sometimes to the exclusion of other joy and beauty), the share of our lives that we will devote to work, and the importance of meaningful work.
This last bit, this thinking about and looking for meaningful work, became a bit of a constant again after Frances was born. Because, well, that sweet little face. The thought of leaving it - something I loved so much - for something I did not love at all was one of anguish. And because being a better person, feeling content and fulfilled, helps me to be a better parent.
But, the schedule is working. The walk to work is refreshing. And the job is wonderful. I know, of course, how very very (very) lucky I am to have these opportunities and to get to make these choices about when and where to work. I hope as time passes and the ups and downs that will come, do, that my gratitude for being able to wait and to chose never fades.
For Frances and I, our time together, our late afternoons and evenings, have become so much richer. There were days before this new work that sometimes seemed endless. Or maybe days that were so much like other days that it became hard to tell them apart. Up, cook, eat, play, clean, eat, sleep, up, cook, eat, play, clean, eat, sleep.
I struggled with feeling that I never really accomplished anything and was on a constant hunt for something to accomplish. Let's clean out all the kitchen cupboards and drawers. Let's paint the bedrooms. Let's buy new furniture. Let's reorganize the basement. Poor Rob. But now I don't really care. Let's colour. Let's jump on the bed. Let's watch cartoons. Let's colour some more.
